Wow. I can't believe it's been almost a month since I updated my blog. I've just been too tired. I mean, I am SO TIRED! It's like all of the sleep I've lost for the past (almost) year has finally caught up with me, and I just can't. But I do. Because that's what life is all about. Today was clinic day. We have done a lot since our last trip to clinic. Claire saw the reproductive endocrinologist, and now takes birth control pills for the estrogen. My favorite exchange of that day was when the doctor asked Claire if she was sexually active. Claire looked right at her and said, "I am the opposite of sexually active. No hand holding, no kissing, nothing. I am 100% sexually inactive." We also did extra blood tests and a 24 hour urine collection, which was kept in a tightly sealed and very well labeled container in the refrigerator. The things we have done, haha. Claire has started using my father's old walking stick when she is walking on grass (which had been on long term loan to a group) and it is awesome. She successfully finished her summer classes. I won't miss that hour long drive at 7am. Then clinic today. Her albumin levels are up a little and her kidneys are functioning well, so that may really have been a nutritional deficiency. Dr. H said that they wanted to do blood tests to check for bcr-abl (the Philadelphia chromosomal abnormality that was present in her leukemia cells) and chimerism (if she is still 100% Faith's cells). It's routine, he said. They always check this every three months. Really?!? It's like you just start to relax, then someone slaps you in the face with a wet towel. WAKE UP! We're still working on this! No guarantees, no sitting still. We work a lot on the outside, and that's what people notice the most, but what really matters is what's happening on the inside. As we were leaving Claire mentioned to our nurse practitioner that she has become very sensitive to spicy and salty foods. L said that was interesting, and it could be a sign of GVHD (graft versus host disease). She said that the best scenario would be to get a little mouth GVHD, which would mean that the graft is still active and doing its job but wasn't causing too much damage. So we are hoping that this mouth discomfort is indeed GVHD, and that it will stop there.

I recently heard someone say that using chemo to kill cancer is like swatting a fly with with a sledge hammer. You may kill the fly, but you leave a lot of damage in the wake. Is it worth it? Yes, yes, yes. Because the alternative crosses the unimaginable line. And we have had to walk too close to that line.